I have been daydreaming a lot lately -- and no, I am not telling you what I daydream about.

I do it as a sort of escapist mechanism. If it's not daydreaming, it's computer games or books. Something to occupy my mind with a world separate from my own.

I suppose it is debilitating in it's own way. It takes up a lot of time; time which could be spent doing something 'productive'.

That's the problem, though. Being 'productive' does not necessarily mean having a 'purpose'; yet so often do people confuse the two, thinking productivity means a person is driven, thus purposeful. Me? I like to find the purpose before committing to action that leads to productivity.

And right now, I feel the very opposite of having purpose. I have work to do but I see no real purpose in them... in five years, no one is going to care. Hell, in one year, no one is going to care. Not even me. That is not purpose.

Do you ever think that sometimes you were born in the wrong place and in the wrong time in history? I do. I yearn to find a purpose in my life -- a destiny, if you will -- but there really is not much room for that in today's world, is there?

A fish out of water, that's me.

Still, I need to find a good vent for my escapism. It is crippling and cutting into hours I need to spend doing some work.

But then that leads me to the problem that leads me to escapism.

What purpose is there in all that? To enter the rat race, retire, die? What the hell? I might as well just cut to the chase and die right now.

I am going down a bad path here so I will stop...